Floating threw time hap hazardly on lack of sleep and an over abundance of caffeine. Keeping away the Z-monsters, to keep away the nightmares. Through day and night, weekday and weekend, wondering when it will all crash again. So once again I can have vivid mad dreams that wake me with tears and trembles like I'm a child again. Nothing seems to work, once alcohol did, and so did pills. Now they just intensify things. I tried to cut the caffeine, cut the spicy food, don't eat at least two hours before bed. Yet nothing works. I pray that it won't happen tonight, everynight yet they still come. Invading my mind breaking my heart, tearing at my soul.
I fear sleep for it is another trip into madness, into my own hell on earth. To visions of death and dying. Visions I can't stop or control.
Visions my grandmother said were a gift yet they do not give, only take.
My own cross to bear that is crushing me under it's weight.